i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
