I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
