thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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