I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
