what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
