do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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