The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
