Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
