my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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