I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
