so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
