It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
