Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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