I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
