We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
