I bet he comes in French.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
