I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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