You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
