I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
