But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
