know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
