420 ftw
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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