if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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