She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
