We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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