He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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