Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
