You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
