arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?