Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw