Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me