Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Randomize
Follow @tfln