I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
