big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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