it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
