I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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