Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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