i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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