Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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