I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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