Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
