8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
did i just pee glitter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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