Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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