when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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