worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
