It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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