is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
