Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
