i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
