and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
