My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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