I think I am morally bankrupt
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
