i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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