I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
