that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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