I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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