we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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