I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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