sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A+ Viking dick
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