around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
