I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Rumble strips road head = magical
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
