I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
