no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
