did you get engaged???
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
