dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
