I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My ass is underappreciated
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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