Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
