i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
