She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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