you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
